The Viking and the Librarian
by Eric and Sookie Fic Exchange
Summary: Written by: Storiesforevy- Sookie and Eric are trapped in a haunted house  campy fake haunted, preferably, or really haunted, but not too scary .


**The Viking and the Librarian**

**Author: **Storiesforevy

**Written For:** Danger-immn

**Bookverse/Showverse: **Book  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>General IdeaPrompt: **Sookie and Eric are trapped in a haunted house (campy fake haunted, preferably, or really haunted, but not too scary).  
><strong>3 Specific Things:<strong> Humor, Weres and someone has to trick or treat.

**Beta: **Balti K

**Disclaimer: All SVM characters belong to Charlaine Harris. "The Mummy" characters and movie quotes belong to Stephen Sommers and Universal Studios.**

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><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

_Evelyn: Look, I... I may not be an explorer, or an adventurer, or a treasure-seeker, or a gunfighter, Mr. O'Connell, but I am proud of what I am. _

_Rick: And what is that? _

_Evelyn__:__I...__am __a __librarian, __and __I __am __going __to __kiss __you, __Mr.__O__'__Connell._

_Rick: Call me Rick._

_Evelyn: Ohhh…...Rick._

I had been watching Sookie out of the corner of my eye, knowing that this was the part of the movie that always made her laugh. She didn't disappoint me and soon her laughter filled the room.

I couldn't help but pull her onto my lap making her laugh even harder.

"Lover, you always laugh at that part. I have more fun watching you than I do watching the movie. I will never understand why you like this movie so much since you spend half the time peeking through your fingers."

"It's romantic, Eric," she sighed.

"Romantic?" Now it was my turn to laugh. "Lover, how can you claim that this movie is romantic when you scream through most of it, shutting your eyes like a child?" I kissed her again, deeper this time while giving her a smirk, "Exactly _which__part_ do you find romantic Sookie?"

She sighed again before continuing. "It's set in Egypt for starters. I've always been intrigued by Egyptian history, and besides that, she's a librarian. You know how much I love books." She lowered her eyes away from mine and her voice was so quiet I almost needed my vampire hearing to catch her question, "Don't you think I would make a good librarian, Eric?"

My heart would have stopped beating if it had the chance.

I gently lifted her chin so that she had to look me in the eyes before I spoke. "Lover, I think you would make a great librarian. No, you would make the very best librarian. As a matter of fact, I think we should call your shifter boss right now and tell him you're quitting your job so that you can go back to school."

I knew the protest was coming and _coming __fast_, so I cut her off before she could utter a word in her defense.

"I know you don't want my money, Sookie, but you're mine now. Even before we were married by the knife, _you __were __mine_. It's my job to take care of you. I really want to do this for you, please let me."

Even with tears in her eyes her voice was stern and proud, "No, Eric. I won't be a kept woman. You know how I feel about that. If I can't do it on my own then I simply wont do it. I can't afford to go to school and I can't quit my job."

I hadn't been around for over one thousand years without learning a thing or two, and the idea that came to me was fucking brilliant. With a little twist, and some deceptive maneuvering, I was guaranteed to get my way, no doubt about it.

"Lover, you know Halloween is only three weeks away, don't you?"

She instantly got a skeptical look on her face and I had to make sure that I was blocking my side of the bond so she wouldn't catch on to my feelings. There was no way this would work if Sookie knew what I was up to.

She nodded and I had to fight the smile that was threatening to give me away. "Well, in the past two weeks you've done nothing but laugh at how ridiculous it is that some of your friends haven't been able to make it through the Haunted House that came to Shreveport for Halloween. You even informed me you made Andy Bellefleur cry in Merlotte's because you were laughing so hard when Arlene told everyone he had to turn around half way through."

That made Sookie laugh louder than ever. "Well, the whole town's crazy, but I didn't mean for him to cry. Poor guy's too sensitive. It's all make believe; it's pretend! There's no _real_danger in a fake 'Haunted House.'"

I kept my emotions in check and my face completely unreadable as I continued. "So, Lover, basically you're saying that there isn't a Haunted House out there that you couldn't get through alone?"

She was still sitting on my lap and it made my cock hard when I saw the twinkle in her eyes as she began her rant. "Eric, I've staked a Vampire, held a bomb in my hands, and for all intents and purposes, dove out of a hotel window trying to save not only Pam's life but yours as well. I fought in a witch war and have been chased and almost killed more times than I care to recall. Do you really think I can't make it through a fake Haunted House?"

I raised my eyebrow at her and smirked.

"Lover, it doesn't matter what I think. What matters is what you think. You're so certain that you can make it through _any_ Haunted House without my help, and I'm saying you can't. So I'm proposing that we place a wager on it."

The twinkle was back full force as she replied, "Hmmm… exactly what kind of wager do you have in mind, _Sheriff __Northman_?"

_Fuck._

She knew what it did to me when she used my title.

I took an unnecessary breath and reminded myself to focus. I was determined. This plan was going to work, and I was finally going to get my way with the stubborn girl sitting on my lap.

"If you can't get through the Haunted House without my help, then you have to quit your job at the shifter's bar and allow me to send you to school. If you can make it through, choice is yours. I'll do anything you ask."

"You must be pretty confident, _Sheriff_ if you're allowing me _anything_." I could see the wheels turning in her head and the gleam in her eyes told me she had something horrible in mind for me. "How about you have to work one of my shifts at Merlotte's as a waiter, complete with the little Merlotte's apron. Or, I know, _I __know__!_ You have to wear a cow suit outside of Fangtasia, handing out samples like they do at Chick Fil A!" She was laughing hysterically now and then her laugh turned evil, "Nooooo….I've got the winning ticket. You have to wear a shirt with "Bill's Bitch" on the front of it for an entire week at work."

_Over my dead body._

"Lover, let me rephrase our terms. If you win I will do anything you require that won't actually harm my reputation as Sheriff of Area 5."

She smiled and kissed me again on the lips. "Okay, _Sheriff,_ I know what I want. You have to watch my favorite twenty chick flicks with me. _While __You __Were __Sleeping, __You__'__ve __Got __Mail, __Only __You, __Sleepless __in __Seattle_, just to name a few. We will cuddle on the couch and have a chick flick marathon week, okay?"

Any other time just the thought of a chick flick marathon would make me cringe, but with my fail proof plan in mind I knew there was no way in hell that Sookie was going to win this bet.

She tried to grab my hand to shake on it but I quickly told her no and flipped her around on my lap so that her back was against my chest. When I bit into my wrist and placed it in front of her mouth Sookie quietly moaned while latching on immediately, causing me to groan. I gently licked the side of her neck, but before I bit down I whispered against her skin, "This is a vampire's way of shaking on it," then I let my fangs pierce her skin, thinking that her blood had never tasted so sweet.

I didn't know if it was the excitement of our bet, the fact that I knew within a few weeks my Lover would be enrolling in school, or the loud sounds coming from the TV of the movie that was going to make my plan a success, but I had never wanted Sookie more.

I quickly sealed her neck and felt her whimper as the wound on my wrist closed. I ripped the clothes from our bodies with vampire speed and fucked her until she was a whimpering, sweaty mess in my arms. Just as she was getting her breathing under control, I felt her shudder and her fear raced through the bond as she continued to hold onto me tightly.

"Lover, what is it?"

"Scarabs. I hate this part of the movie. I don't know which part I'm more afraid of: the scarabs, the locusts, or Anubis, that scary dog looking statue. Do you remember that night I woke up screaming because he came to life and starting chasing me through Merlotte's?"

I just held onto her tightly as I remembered that night vividly.

_Yes Sookie I do. I most certainly do._

****~oo~****

_Halloween Night_

**EPOV**

It's amazing what you can accomplish when you have the funds to make things happen. In just three weeks I had transformed an old abandoned warehouse into the scariest, most threatening Haunted House imaginable. The entire place was setup to look like ancient Egypt, complete with sand, palm trees and several large, looming statues. It only took a few phone calls and an undisclosed amount of money to secure one of the actual set directors from "The Mummy." He still worked for Universal and managed to pull some strings, allowing us to borrow some of the actual movie props. I spared no expense, wanting to make this a night that Sookie would never forget.

I could feel through the bond that she was getting close, and I walked outside to meet her, anxious to see her outfit. She practically ran out of the car and into my arms. "Eric, what's going on? What's with our outfits? Where are we?"

I set her down and stood back so that I could get the whole effect. She was wearing a black, sheer peignoir over a nightie, like Evelyn wore in the movie and the makeup artist I had sent to Sookie's house did her face perfectly.

"Do you like it, Lover?" I moaned into her ear. "Can you feel how much I like it?" I pulled her close to me, knowing that she could feel my rock hard cock through the thin khaki pants I was wearing. Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I'd wear brown suspenders willingly, but I was realizing where Sookie was concerned there was very little I wouldn't do.

"Lover, not only are we in Egypt right now, but we are about to enter Hamunaptra. Hurry up, everyone's waiting."

When we made it to the front entrance Sookie gasped when she saw who the doorman was. "Alcide! What are you doing here?" Sookie looked from me to Alcide and then back to me again. "Most of my trusted people are otherwise tied up tonight and I wanted to make sure this place was properly guarded. Nobody is allowed to leave until you walk through the exit or _concede,_ which means that basically we're trapped inside. Besides, I couldn't import any camels on such short notice, so I was stuck with weres. Same difference."

"Eric," Sookie exclaimed, "Camels are smelly animals that spit!"

I quickly opened the door, laughing and smirking at Alcide as I replied, "Right." Even if the night was a total failure, that comment made all my efforts worthwhile, but as Sookie walked in and looked around in wonder, I realized that the best part had yet to come.

"_Oh __my_. Eric, how did you do this?"

"No, Sookie, call him Rick. If I have to play a part then so does he."

"Jason! Hoyt? What are you doing here? Sheriff Bellefleur? What's going on?"

"Your boyfriend sent us DVDs of The Mummy and these outfits. He said we were going to a Halloween party for you, but this sure doesn't look like any party I've ever been to before." Sheriff Bellefleur was scratching his head, obviously bothered by the little beanie that came with his costume. It was then that Sookie realized who he was dressed as.

"Andy! You're supposed to be the little jail warden who ends up getting eaten by a Scarab. Jason, who are you?"

"Sook, don't you recognize me? I'm Jonathan, your brother in real life just like in the movie. That was pretty clever thinkin', Eric, but I still can't figure out why you have Hoyt dressed as Beni. Everybody likes Hoyt and they're always hatin' on that Beni guy."

Time was running out and since there was supposed to be a full moon tonight I knew I only had the weres for about an hour longer. I had no patience with Stackhouse and his insane ramblings.

"Everyone has their lines, now it's time to begin." Everyone was silent as the speakers filled with room and the narrating began, just like in the movie.

_Thebes, City of the Living. Crown jewel of Pharaoh Seti the First. Home of Imhotep; Pharaoh's high priest, keeper of the dead. Birthplace of Anck Su Namun, Pharaoh's mistress. No other man was allowed to touch her. But for their love, they were willing to risk life itself. _

Just then, right on cue Pam made her entrance. All of the men gasped as Sookie burst into laughter. "Pam, _oh __my __God_. He roped you into this too? How long did that take?"

Pam was naked, but covered in head to toe black and gold body makeup and a long, black wig, just like in Anck Su Namun's opening scene.

"My favorite little breather, I don't know what you've done to my Master, but right now I'm _not_ talking to you. I have makeup where a no woman really wants _nor__need__s_ makeup. Now the sooner we can get this little maze of humiliation out of the way, the sooner I can get a Halloween Party I have to attend. Trust me, this makeup will_not_ be wasted on the four of you. Oh and, Master? Nice suspenders."

I just smirked at my childe, knowing that everything was falling into place perfectly.

We moved on and walked through a dark hallway lit only by candles and torches to set the mood, and the next room we entered made everyone gasp. It was completely dark with the exception of some strategically placed lighting that made the sarcophagus in the middle of the room practically glow. Even better was the fact that it was the exact same one that was used in the movie.

"Eric! A real live sarcophagus. How did you do it?"

"Sook, um I mean, Evy... You have to call him Rick. Eri.._um__Rick_ said we couldn't leave until we got everything just right and like Pam…_um__shit_…..how do you say it? Oh, _I __knock __on __the __moon_… you know… the hot naked vamp, I have a party tonight too. So here's the key, open it up so we can look at the mummy. You remember this part of the movie."

Sookie practically jumped up and down when she saw that the key fit. When she turned it the door flew open just as the sound of wind whipped through the hidden speakers, making everyone jump, and when Imhotep growled and marched out of his coffin the room was filled with screams of terror. He towered over poor Hoyt who at this point was a trembling mess until Jason nudged him whispering, "This is your part Hoyt... um Beni. Hurry, read off your cards and do the voice like we practiced. His voice was the best."

Poor Hoyt was shaking fumbling through all of the necklaces he was wearing.

"_Lord, protect and watch over me as the Sheppard watches over his flock… say oooh a lee, say ooh a lee… Boon sao... ummm ah..."_

He quickly raised his hand as if he was in class.

"Um, excuse me, Mr. Eric, sir, umm, _Rick_… I can't read what's on this card. I don't know what language this is, sir."

I just shook my head, acting as if I was frustrated, although inwardly I was pleased that everything was going as planned. People thought that Bon Temps meant 'Good Times' but I knew the real definition, 'Dummies R Us.'

Imhotep got closer, growling even louder until Sookie realized who it was.

_Perfect!_

"Quinn! What in the world are you doing here? Wow, Eric. He really makes the perfect Imhotep."

Quinn knew better than to breathe a word to my Lover so instead of saying anything he just nodded to her as instructed.

"Next room, let's keep moving," I commanded and everyone moved on as instructed.

We ended up in an even darker hallway and I really had to shut down my end of the bond to keep from tipping Sookie off. There were only a few candles lighting the passage and when the speakers were filled with sounds of Scarabs I whispered loud enough for everyone to hear, "Did someone say bugs?"

SCREAMING and shouting ensued and I felt Sookie jump into my arms just as Pam shouted out to her brother, "Stackhouse, try to jump on me again and I will freaking gut you. Nobody is smudging this paint if I have anything to say about it."

The sounds just got louder as if the bugs were getting closer and I could feel Sookie trembling in my arms as I whispered, "Do you concede, Lover? Are you ready for me to carry you out of here?" Even though I could feel her fear and hear her heart beating out of her chest she replied with a "No! You may be a master and have pretty much everything at your disposal but not even you can produce a Scarab. Nice try, _Rick.__"_

She jumped out of my arms once the initial shock wore off and right on cue the lights came back on clearly showing a doorway up ahead. Sookie just looked at me and stubbornly marched on ahead of the group.

_Even better than I had planned._

My Lover had no clue what she was in for.

The next room was an exact replica of the room where the mummies were created. Again no expense had been spared. There were so many things to look at, nobody bothered looking at the walls. Every vamp I could spare from Fangtasia that night was standing still, in head to toe skeleton suits, just waiting for my signal. When I felt that everyone was feeling secure and not expecting an attack, I nodded my head and they pounced. The creepy skeleton creatures that wore strange hats and could run on the walls like monkeys took over the entire room.

_Sookie hated those fucking guys!_

The screams and shouting were music to my ears and I stood back and watched as Sookie ran from one and straight into another, but right before I thought I had her, just before I started to celebrate my victory, she reached up and pulled off one of their masks, exclaiming, "_Clancy!__"_ She just looked at me with that smug look on her face, "Remember to buy lots of popcorn, _Rick_. Popcorn and Junior Mints are a must while watching chick flicks. Shall we continue?"

I could feel her confidence soaring through the bond and it took all of my strength to keep my end closed so that I wouldn't tip her off to the horror that awaited her. She walked out of the room, not caring if anyone was walking with her so I hurried everyone along, needing to make sure that the doors were properly closed before I started my next stunt.

When everyone was in place I signaled for Thalia to brighten the lights and again Sookie gasped upon seeing the actual Book of the Dead from the movie. Her eyes were as big as saucers as she walked up to the table that was holding it, gently running her fingers across it. "Is this the real book of the dead?" She looked at me for confirmation and I nodded. Jason piped up, "Sook…._goddamit_, Evy, we have some lines and then I think we can get out of here. Get your cards and see. Yeah, mine says we have a scene here."

The two of them started and I had to stifle my laughter.

_Evelyn: You lied to me. _

_Jonathan: I lie to everybody. What makes you so special? _

_Evelyn: I am your sister. _

_Jonathan: Yes, well that just makes you more gullible. _

Sookie put her hand on her hip and smirked at me. "Excuse me, _Rick_, these aren't the right lines for this part of the movie. I think you messed up. Seems like this night isn't going quite as you planned now is it?"

I just laughed and walked up behind her, holding her body close to mine. When I whispered into her ear I could feel her entire body shudder, "Is that so? Well, turn the card over and see what it has to say, Lover."

She did as she was told and I felt her body relax back into mine as I read my lines.

_Rick: Are you sure you want to be playing around with this thing? _

_Evelyn__:__It's__just__a__book.__No__harm__ever__came__from__reading__a__book._

The second she put the key into the book and opened it, not only did the speakers start to blare again with the movie soundtrack playing loudly, but the unmistakable sound of thousands of live grasshoppers in the next room was too loud to ignore.

When the first one touched her all hell truly did break loose.

Screaming.

Shouting.

Total and complete bedlam.

Between the buzzing and the shouting it was almost impossible to hear Sookie's tears, but I did.

I scooped her up into my arms, trying to soothe her.

I knew the grasshoppers weren't harmful, it was just the idea of thousands of grasshoppers touching her at once that made her crazy, and to think I had only let in 20 for now. There were thousands in the next room.

"Sookie, let me get you out of here. Say the word and we're gone."

She was a shaking, trembling mess in my arms.

"How could you?" she cried. "You know how scared they make me!"

"Yes, Lover. Isn't that the whole point? The real question is how can _you_ keep me from taking care of you? Sookie, I want to take care of you _because__I__love__you_. Please let me."

She grabbed onto me tighter and when she looked up into my eyes I could see that I had won. She nodded her head and then buried it deep into my shoulder. I looked up into the overhead camera and gave the signal to remove the grasshoppers so that we could pass. Within minutes we were on our way and Sookie practically jumped out of my arms running through the next room, rubbing and scratching at her body the entire way.

"Eric, I'll meet you outside," she yelled, "I itch so badly I just need some fresh air."

Right as she made it to the last room it hit me.

Fuck!

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sookie screamed at the top of her lungs.

I ran at vampire speed and made it just in time to watch the giant sized Anubis reaching out to grab her before she made it to the exit.

I picked her up and turned away as the ancient Egyptian mythological creature fell to the ground revealing a very naked Sam Merlotte.

"Hell," he choked out once he got his breathing under control, "Don't ask for any more favors, Northman. Do you know how hard it was keeping that shape for the past thirty minutes? I'm so sorry for scaring you, Sook. He said it had something to do with your future. You know I'd do anything for you, Sookie."

I looked down at his naked form and laughed. "Yes, shifter, it has something _very __important_ to do with her future. As of this moment she no longer works for you." With that I turned and walked toward the exit.

Right as I got to the door I heard faint knocking and could detect a human heartbeat on the other side. It was beating so fast the person was either in great fear or in danger of dying.

I slowly opened it and peeked out to find a gangly teen dressed in a vampire costume. He had fake fangs and fake blood dripping from his mouth. His skin was painted white and he was wearing a cape from the old Dracula days.

I gave him my best sinister glare and didn't say a word. I could barely him whimper, "Triiick oorr Treeaat."

I laughed. _Surely __he__wasn__'__t __serious._ Then I heard several snickers from about half a mile away, realizing they had put this poor kid up to it.

"Let me guess. You're here on a dare?"

He couldn't speak but barely nodded his head up and down.

With one hand holding onto Sookie, I used my other one to dig in my pocket, pulling out five one-hundred dollar bills. As I stuffed them into his trembling hands I looked deep into his eyes, giving him a message that would change his outlook on life.

"You know how stupid this was, don't you?"

He kept nodding but the shaking had somewhat subsided, so I continued, "Go show those fools you came with your $500 dollars, find some new friends and don't ever let anyone push you around again. You're better than that."

His eyes were glazed over and I could tell that the glamour had taken effect, but before I was able to send him on his way I heard screaming from inside. Just as I turned around to see what had gone wrong, Jason and Hoyt came running out of the warehouse covered head to toe in grasshoppers, yelling like little school girls.

"_FFUUCCKKKK…."_

The poor Dracula kid fainted at the sight of them and ended up getting trampled as they ran over him and off into the darkness.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, Pamela appeared with completely smudged makeup and a totally jacked up wig.

She stood for a second in total silence, hand on hip, giving me her evil eye.

When she started to speak, Sookie and I both had to stifle our laughter.

"Good going, Romeo. With all the mother fucking money you spent on this _night__from__hell_, would it have hurt you to spring for a semi-functioning latch for the goddamn grasshoppers? I had two grown men jump into my arms looking for safety and shelter. Do I look like I'm built for offering humans _safely __and __shelter_, Master? Right now I hate you. You and your damn little breather."

As she half-stumbled, half-walked off into the darkness I could still hear her mumbling under her breath, "I fucking hate you both."

I looked down at Sookie and kissed her deeply, thinking this was the best Halloween ever.

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><p>AN: Thanks so much for reading and thank you to to **Makesmyheadspin** and **MissyDee** for hosting such an awesome Fic Exchange.

HUGE thanks to **Elizaque** for pre-reading, **TMart37** for pre-reading and coming up with such an amazing ending for this story, and especially for **Balti K** for being such an awesome last minute Beta!

Xoxoxo's!


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